member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
