Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
