Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
handjob tips. give me some.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
