I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
