sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
