Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
