I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
