life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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