Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
