good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
