i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
