1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
