I am midnight drunk by noon
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
