never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
