forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
