it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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