Do you still have your period?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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