When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
