Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
