i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
