you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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