Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
