Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
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