I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
