It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
