We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Your penis caused this!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
