Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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