Whatcha textin bout Willis?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
