I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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