i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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