Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
