peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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