you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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