I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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