I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
