I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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