Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
