I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
