At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I don't deserve a penis
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
