every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
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