Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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