1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
