I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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