this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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