i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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