i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
