I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
