so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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