these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The Olympian is in my bed
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
