i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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