Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think I am morally bankrupt
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
