I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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