Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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