Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
