I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
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