I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
What a dumb baby whore.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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