I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
