wakey wakey hands off snakey
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
